Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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