is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
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he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
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She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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