I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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