I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Terrible idea I love it
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
