We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
