It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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