I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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