i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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