there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
there is puke in my bra ... again
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