YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
