Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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