Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
