When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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