Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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