Porn is love you can see.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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