I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
