Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
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