Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
