haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
