I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
