they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
