opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
