I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
