When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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