the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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