I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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