When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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