He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
