there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
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Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
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Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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