im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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