that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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