Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
