Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
