Betty ford says i'm here all night
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
they're like a gay fantastic four
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
