If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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