Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
