Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
