my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize
