Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
When are your genitals available?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
