you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
we're making bets on your personal life
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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