Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
