Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
