tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
