dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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