Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize