Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She even gives head with a lisp.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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