i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
