Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
