She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
ttyl tear gas
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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