If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
