barbara walters just said penis...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
