can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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