im gay
i know
yea but for you.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
