I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
