Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?