I met the friendliest cop last night
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.