my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.