i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
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literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
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Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?