My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.