Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..