it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
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