all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
