There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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