i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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