how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
My Higher Power is John Stamos
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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