Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
The dick lei will go down in squad history
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
