We got so high we made milksteak
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
