People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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