and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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