so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
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I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
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Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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